I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
