Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize