I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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