On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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