my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
