How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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