i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
