i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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