It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You can't special order awesome
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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