I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
