whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
