Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
