i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
