She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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