i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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