i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
