I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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