It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
