hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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