she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
