drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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