The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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