I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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