I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
sarcasm needs its own font
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
