Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
