Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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