I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
