you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We need to rekindle our bromance
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
