i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
