We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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