So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
