Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
