when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
