She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
