Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
