I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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