So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
someone owes me an orgasm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
