I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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