The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
