The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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