Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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