and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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