If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
