Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
