It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
