just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
