This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
