i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
