I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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