Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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