you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
