My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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