i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize