okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
