someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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