So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
