NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
