Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
