Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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