Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
