Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
