I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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