I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
