guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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