i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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