Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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