She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
