I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
