ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
