Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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