he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
