I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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