You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
