dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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