he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
