I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize