The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my being single is dangerous.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
