his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
