I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
