Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
