Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
