Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
