soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
