ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
