I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
