Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
