Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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