what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
