I'm going to rape someone's good day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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