That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
