So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
