Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
